The Best Body Party Remixes for Every Occasion

Photo c/o the Daily Mail

For some, the smoothly compressed sounds of "Blurred Lines" and "Get Lucky" will forever define the sound of Summer 2013. However, anyone who has a) heard "Body Party" b) seen Ciara dance c) seen the "Body Party" video or d) thought about sex will likely agree that a day without listening to the song is a day wasted... or maybe that's just me. Anyway, to make myself feel (ever-so-slightly) better about the number of times I've listened to the song, I've decided to finally write the blog post the whole world's been waiting for - which "Body Party" remix is right for you?

You Are Mildly Insane But You're Having a Serious Body Party:

This is more Ciara than even I can really tolerate, but I thought it necessary to notify the world that someone had created a 25 minute long "Body Party" remix.

You Are Currently Powerwalking Along a Beach:

This slightly schizophrenic remix is mostly notable because it is (sort of weirdly) uptempo, and includes some rather inspired bongo sampling. The synth might have been better left in the Mario Kart soundtrack though...



It's Ladies Night and The Feeling's Right:

Aaliyah+Ciara=love. Not the most exciting remix, but with that source material it's hard to go wrong. A+ for effort.



You're High:

Slow, spacey. If you're in the mood to watch Planet Earth, you're also in the mood for this remix.



You Are Stripping For Your School at the End of the Year (like user311681606):

I mean hey, maybe you Strippercise. Who am I to judge? It is definitely strip-worthy (I guess? Not really a metric I use often) but also awesome - medium tempo, male vocal cover. I dig it (although I don't see it entering my repertoire anytime soon. I prefer "Cherry Pie").



Old School Lunch:

The crucial "My Boo"/"Body Party" remix.



Drunk at a Basement Rave:

This is what you want to be hearing when you're trashed and making out with some rando - it will make all of your decisions that evening seem completely and totally rational (in the best way possible!). This remix is sex, and also ideal for pretending you are Ciara (read: attempting to dance).



Fist-Pumping:

I mean the genre as described on Soundcloud is "Jersey Club"... you do the math.



You're Wearing a Bandage Dress and Drinking Vodka Soda:

Hey, it's good house music.



You Love the Drop:

Not dubstep, but still plenty of good building and dropping and whatnot. Ideal for dancing alone in your room (because if you try to dance to it in front of other people you'll look absurd).



And finally,

You Just Need Your Faith in Humanity Restored:

So this is Ciara and Future, doing the remix, with the Roots as the backing band. No wonder they've taken it off Hulu, they know this shit is GOLD. All that's left is this reaction video of sorts... but you know the lady in the video is just saying what we're all thinking.



Here's the Future/B.o.B. remix without commentary:



and here's a behind-the-scenes video about the video (these are the times we live in) because... gah. I wish I had been there, but realistically I would have been the female equivalent of the guy at 3:06.



Let me know which ones I've missed! There are only about a zillion out there...